Thursday, March 2, 2017

The Hacks of Gorm, Part I: Bad Hair Dead!

A continuing series that follows the exploits of Gorm in the Nights Skies Over Valhallow World

Elfriede was gone and Brodt and Gudre lay dead at his mighty feet. The Glowing Spectral Personhood cultists began to close in, their bricks and knives ready to finish him and the other Resistance fighters.  But that wasn’t the worst part of it.

Their dye-jobs were almost as terrible as their haircuts!

With an outrage that only a barber-barbarian could muster, Gorm raised his mighty axe and screamed his war-cry. He rushed forward and gored one cultist with the axe tip, lifted him up, and smashed him into one of his fellows, cracking bones and causing gut liquids to spray everywhere.

The remaining cultists looked at Gorm, terrified. They were used to attacking people that wouldn’t follow their Cult Edicts, but only when they outnumbered them and only when they had the support of the local authorities. Of course, the Glowing Spectral Personhood would tyrannize, beat, and kill, while claiming to do so in the name of ‘Tolerance’, ‘Peace’, and ‘Giving Power to the Peasants’, but like with all cults, they actually did the opposite.

With his screaming, cultist-axe cover still partially attached, Gorm flexed his mighty muscles and flung him at Hymnir, the cult leader. The tall man ducked and the dying cultist landed at the feet of a group of goblins that had come up from behind instead.

The other cultists turned too and smiled at the arrival of the little inhumans. And why wouldn't they? Their cult had been instrumental in helping the goblins to enter Dinglesfuhr in the first place. They had even gotten the leader of this land, Mekla, to invite them in. Gorm was no genius, but even he knew that was a very bad idea.

The cultists didn’t seem to really understand it; that is, until the goblins started stabbing them in the back!

With bad, blue-dyed haircuts and all, the humans wailed in agony as the goblins shouted to their own Fell God and sliced into them repeatedly. Gorm couldn’t guess whether the cultists were more upset by the actual knife stabbings or by the betrayal behind them. Now that the humans had granted them control of Dinglesfuhr, the goblins had no more use for them. Goblins weren’t dumb enough to fall for the suicidal ideas of the Glowing Spectral Personhood.

Gorm and the others scooped up their fallen, including Gudre and Brodt, and made a run for it. They dashed through the shattered ruins of the once-great town. Their numbers were few. They looked back to see if they were still in immediate danger, but the goblins didn’t follow.

They were too busy killing the cultists.

The rest of the Resistance fighters laid down the dead and fanned out to look for the next place to go. Gorm took a moment to consider his fallen friends. He gave a silent prayer to the Great Prophet Kolvaig that they would rest easily again in the Afterlife.

He then stood tall, readied his axe, and brushed back his mulleted hair. It was time for revenge!

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