Thursday, May 25, 2017

The Hacks of Gorm, Part XII: You Have No Right to Exercise Here, Barbarian!

Gorm’s large body plummeted, his former harpy captor falling with him. And though the creature had been sorely wounded by Gottschalk’s stone, it still managed to shriek all the way down.

Gottschalk soon arrived at the cold wetland, shivering in the evening air. He had only rarely come here before, though he was not far from his homeland. Once a place of great importance to the Ancients, it was now accursed, promising only to drag any foolish enough to venture here down into fatal acquiescence and rot.

It was the Draining Swamp. And Gorm had hurtled down right into its muck.

The harpy landed too and screamed as its lighter body remained shallow upon the fetid waters. Gorm reached up then with his mighty hand and, to Gottschalk’s surprise, pulled the creature with him to the drier shore where he now stood.

“We must hurry!”

“Who say that? That you, Gott-Chalk?”

To his dismay, Gottschalk realized that his barbarian friend was still blinded by the harpy’s earlier attack. It seemed that it had made good on its promise to ‘Gouge out his Hateful view’, at least for now.

“It is I,” he replied finally. “Let me take a look at your wound.”

“Yes, she get me in the I.” Gorm chuckled at his own word play.

Gottschalk wiped the blood from the barbarian’s eyes. He then applied a bandage to his head to staunch further bleeding. "It looks like you’ll recover.”

The harpy scowled. “I should have ripped your eyes out! You are such a Vile Hater, I just had to Spare Us All from Your Oppression!”

Gottschalk looked at the harpy’s shattered face and wondered at how the vile creature could still speak. “Perhaps we should hit you with another rock?”

“You would censor me? CENSORSHIP! On the other hand, I’ll show my Acceptance by Acknowledging that your Presence here is Unacceptable! Get out of the Draining Swamp! You and your Hate are Not Welcome Here! Get OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT!!!!!”

Gorm ignored the harpy and began to stretch his aching arms and legs. Though his vision wasn’t fully cleared yet, he could sense that the vile she-creature was still staring at him. “Leave me alone. Me not bothering anyone. Me have right to stay.” He stretched his arms and legs again.

“You and your False Statements!” replied the harpy. “You have No Right to Exercise Here, Barbarian!”

The creature then focused on Gorm more intently. Gottschalk realized that it must have been trying to steal his voice again. Moving quickly, he snatched the harpy from Gorm and thrust it back beneath the swamp water. Angry bubbles gurgled up as the submerged creature screamed.

After a few moments, Gorm shook his head. “Small monster not steal my voice- why you steal its?”

Gottschalk grudgingly pulled the harpy back up. It spit out water and gasped for air, but then feebly tried to claw him. Gottschalk dropped the creature back into the water, where it floated again. Gorm had his axe out now and glared at the harpy menacingly, indicating what will happen next if it tried any more attacks.

“It’s not Fair!” the harpy whined.

Gottschalk laughed. “You’re not much of a bird-woman or even a fish-woman. Even worse, you’re just another Equalitarian hypocrite- far from fair!”

“Yeah!” exclaimed Gorm, beginning to get the joke. “You like using claws so much, maybe you should be cat-lady?”

“How DARE YOU!” shrieked the harpy. “I am a Commissar of High Standing in Helltowne!”

“Good,” said Gottschalk with a menacing grin that even took the harpy aback. “Then you have much you can tell us.”

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